Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
My life is pants optional.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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