Your mouth is God's brothel.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
