I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Well I just put wine in my tea
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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