So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
