I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
