my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
