we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
