Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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