Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
