dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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