Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
