In the future we'll all be gay
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
