I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
