i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
