An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
