she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
