I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
