Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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