Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
