Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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