Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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