In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
