I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Randomize
