Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
