im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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