I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
