I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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