he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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