Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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