One girl and one boy is just not enough.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I need water and some morals
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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