dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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