You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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