i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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