'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
