Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
