Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
