I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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