i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
