What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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