My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
