I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
