Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
