why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
So apparently I’m into choking now
I think i got beer on your cat.
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