no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
