and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
