I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
