So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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