i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
