What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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