I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
