i just wanna soil my oats bro
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
