go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
