you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
