Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
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I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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