You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
