ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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