oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
