Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
