I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
