i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
