just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
