She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
