how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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